


Chrollo Becomes Pope

by spageddy



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Pope AU, Roman Catholicism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-09-13 22:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16901169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spageddy/pseuds/spageddy
Summary: This is the story of how Chrollo becomes the pope of the Catholic Church





	1. Prologue: The Tragic Backstory

Chrollo’s mother cried when she gave birth to him, not because of the pain, but because she could never in her wildest dreams imagine a baby so ugly. Two buck teeth protruded from his juicy gums, and he was completely bald except for his scraggly eyebrows. As soon as his mother had recovered, she drove to the nearest landfill and chucked him in a pile of trash. “I should’ve gotten that abortion when I had the chance. Not even God could love a face like that,” she said.

But that was where she was wrong.

Chrollo’s faith journey started when he was six years old. Before he accepted Jesus as his personal lord and savior, he lived by himself on the streets, surviving off handouts and scraps. He’d been rummaging around in a dumpster for his breakfast when an old woman gave him the greatest gift of all: his very own Bible.

“Filthy little vagrant, you need Jesus!” the old woman hissed at him, lobbing the book at his forehead. But before Chrollo could ask who Jesus was, she had already climbed back into her 2015 Maserati Quattroporte and was headed to church.

Chrollo couldn’t read, but the pictures in that kiddie Bible painted a thousand words. In the first chapter, he saw an illustration of a naked man and woman who lived in the forest. _They must be homeless like me_ , he thought. Then a snake handed them an apple to eat, and they put on some clothes. The moral of that story, he concluded, was that snakes were very friendly and altruistic.

But his favorite stories were the ones that revolved around a benevolent bearded man who performed various magic tricks. That was his favorite character in the whole book, and when he died Chrollo was devastated. _What was the author thinking killing him off?_ he thought glumly as he walked along the street begging for money.

That was when he ran into the old lady again. She had just come out of the Gucci store when she saw homeless little Chrollo with Bible in hand. Her love of God overcame over her hatred of the poor and compelled her to scoop Chrollo up and take him to church with her.

Chrollo soon learned that the name of his favorite character was Jesus, and church was his fan club. He was completely enamored by everything at church--the stained glass, the graphic fanart of Jesus bleeding out on the cross, the flower arrangements. It was totally his aesthetic.

That day also happened to be Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. It was a day of penitence, and as a sign of humility and recognition of their sins, everyone at church received ashes on their foreheads.

“Repent and believe in the Gospel. And stop being homeless,” said the priest as he fingerpainted a cross shape on Chrollo’s forehead.

For the first time in his life of abject poverty and isolation, Chrollo felt like someone loved him. Like _Jesus_ loved him.

To commemorate that special day, he decided to get a tattoo. “Sir can you please spare money so I can get a tattoo?” he asked passersby on the street. But no one wanted to give a six year old tattoo money. That was when Chrollo discovered the miracle of larceny. He had learned that theft was forbidden by the Ten Commandments, but he also knew about the secret loophole. In God’s _The Bible_ , Jesus canonically died for everyone’s sins. That meant Chrollo could steal all he wanted and Jesus would still love him. In fact, Jesus would probably love him even more for stealing people’s cash, since he was using it to glorify God.

After pickpocketing enough money, Chrollo headed to the tattoo store. “I’d like a tattoo of a cross on my forehead,” he said.

“Where are your parents?” asked the tattoo artist.

“I don’t have parents,” said Chrollo.

“Well okay then, as long as you have the money,” said the tattoo artist, and he gave Chrollo his tat.

Chrollo became a churchoholic. He couldn’t get enough of Jesus’ love. Church was the one place he knew he could go to get free food, and they really knew how to keep him coming back for more by only giving him one cracker per mass. He signed up for youth group, where he met some other homeless kids, Feitan, Machi, Nobunaga, Pakunoda, Franklin, Uvogin, Phinks, and Shalnark. They did Bible study together, and became the best of friends.

Soon though, Chrollo stopped going to church altogether so he could fully focus on following in Jesus’ footsteps. He went on a quest to find four more best friends so that he could have twelve disciples just like Jesus, and together they founded their own Jesus fan club. Chrollo was the leader, and he called it the Phantom Troupe, a tribute to the Holy Ghost.


	2. Bible Discussion & Scripture Memorization

Twenty years had passed since Chrollo became a Catholic, and he and his friends has since strayed from God’s path. The only thing Chrollo loved more than Jesus was armed robbery, and the group’s purpose took a sharp turn from Bible discussion club to crime syndicate. They had even killed people, which was probably against the 10 Commandments.

It was only after getting kidnapped by a mysterious chain user that Chrollo’s faith was reawakened. The chain user had overwhelmingly Christian vibes, and even though he had taken away his nen and almost killed him, Chrollo saw the light of Christ shining through him. The chain user made him realize what a filthy little sinner he had been, so he went on a solitary journey to reflect on his actions, and also to get his nen back. 

_ This must be a sign from God that I’m on the right path,  _ Chrollo thought to himself as he stood on a beachside cliff watching a beautiful sunset, the breeze gently ruffling his greasy black hair. A single tear rolled down his cheek. 

Just then, his phone went off. He let it ring for a few moments, enjoying his ringtone,  _ Take Me To Church _ by Hozier. As soon as he was able to stop sniffling he answered it. “God damn it Phinks, I was having a moment.”

“I thought we decided we weren’t going to use the Lord’s name in vain anymore,” Phinks said. “Anyway, Shalnark and I found out where you can get your nen back. There’s an exorcist in this place called Greed Islan--”

Chrollo hung up.  _ Greed Island? Disgusting,  _ he thought, disgusted. _ Greed is one of the seven deadly sins. I want to get my nen back in a God-honoring way.  _

He started to recite The Lord’s Prayer to expel the sinful thought out of his mind, but before he could finish, his phone rang again. This time he picked up without hesitation. 

“I’m fucking meditating, what do you want?”

The other end was quiet for a moment, and Chrollo thought he could make out someone crying in the background. “Boss, we just miss you so much,” said Phinks. “We know you’re on a faith journey, and like, mad respect to that, but we miss the good old days. You know, mass murder, grand larceny, Bible study…”

Chrollo closed his eyes and lowered his head solemnly. The ocean breeze blew his hair back dramatically, or it would have, if it wasn’t greased back so strongly. He sighed. “Me too... How would you feel about meeting up for Bible discussion and scripture memorization tonight?” 

Chrollo could hear Phinks’s smile through the phone. “Really? Dude I’m  _ so _ down.”

Chrollo chuckled. “See you at 6 then.”


End file.
